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Brazilian beach life

One of the great advantages of travelling along the one metre contour line (or thereabouts) is that we are never far from the beach. And while seven months on the road has turned us into beach snobs, as beaches go, Brazil scores pretty highly.
 
But it is not the fineness of the sand or the clarity of the water that grabs me, but the carnival of life which is acted out upon them. Brazilian beach culture explains why England won’t win the World Cup and why there’s no treatment on the beautician’s menu called ‘The British’. 

It is the weekend, and whilst most self-respecting Brits would head down the pub, the Brazilians hit the beach. It is a mass exodus from sofa to sand. I watched wide-eyed as one couple recreated their bed on the beach, moulding pillows delicately before laying a sarong on top and lying down with the weekend papers. Others bring along cool boxes, deck chairs, tables, gazeebos – all the paraphernalia of everyday life set out beneath a forest of red and yellow parasols. 

Fashionable Ipanema beach is divided into territories demarcated by the lifeguard posts. There are stretches for the fans of Rio’s rival football teams, for volleyball players, for gay people and football juggling teenagers. 

In Britain we bring a cheerful amateurism to our beach sports. Biff bat, a family favourite, resembles an Olympic sport in Brazil with technologically-enhanced rackets. Fresco ball, as it’s called, is played with a panache and competitive spirit totally absent from European beaches. Fredo, fellow resident of the Guaruja hostel, describes the game through the metaphor of sex. Will has taken to it with aplomb. 

On the volleyball court an ageing lothario prepares himself at the net, with slicked back white-blond hair and dark glasses. His sons, exchange raucous banter, goading one another across the net. The rallies are mesmerising. But they pale in comparison next to futevolei which takes two games we play in the UK, football and volleyball, and combines them to demonstrate just how inferior we are at both. 

Last and certainly least there are the bikinis. The cause of some debate between us. “Small is beautiful,” discuss. We have done so at length and inevitably divide along gender lines. Brazil is not so discriminating. Whether you are male or female, young or old, petite or quite frankly fat, less is more.